We’ve put together some proposed DO’s and DON’Ts of pooping etiquette for couples. We hope you’ll add your suggestions in the comments. Yay POOP!
Do: Close the door while you’re dropping the kids off at the pool. You may have an open-door policy, but that doesn’t mean your partner does.
Do Not: Enter the bathroom immediately upon hearing the other person flush. Wait for the full flush completion. And knock if you need to get in there. Duh.
Do: Clean the toilet if you leave streaks. That’s just common courtesy.
Do Not: Taunt your BF/GF when they come out of the bathroom with “I know you just pooped!” Making someone feel ashamed or embarrassed about going number two is not going to make them feel closer to you. If there’s a brown elephant in the room, you don’t need to call attention to it.
Do: Equip every bathroom with air freshener, matches, baby wipes, and magazines. It’s kind for guests and lets them know that they are in a poop friendly zone. Especially guests you have sex with.
Do Not: Send photographs of your bowel movements or make the other person look at/ sniff your daily deposit. That’s just gross. Unless you are mutually into that kind of thing.
Do: Give your special someone space to do their business privately. (i.e. do not hover in the room directly outside the bathroom, aid in masking the sound by doing dishes, etc.)
Do Not: Initiate anal play right after the deed has been done.
Do: Share funny poop-related stories — the time you had to go in the woods but had no TP, the time your friend had explosive diarrhea at her birthday party, the time your cousin crapped himself onstage. This is a great way to break the ice about poop.
Do Not: Hold in your poop until you have cramping, bloating, or anal fissures. This is not sexy. Plus, no one is worth destroying your colon for.